Perspective

So it's just been a few hours since I posted the sad news of Emma and Taylor's passing. I can't sleep. My eyes won't cooperate and my mind is running all over the place.

Today was Taylor's turn to unload the dishwasher. I had a large glass bowl in there...a cranberry colored bowl. We got it for our wedding and they don't make them anymore. It's the bowl I use for many things....especially when we have company because it's so pretty.

Well, Taylor put it on the counter and climbed up to put it away. In the process, he knocked it right off and it broke.

I was in the den checking email when I heard the crash and Taylor came running to get me, tears in his eyes, and apologizing. When I saw what was broken I was angry and I yelled and made him cry even more. I muttered a few swear words under my breath as I got the broom and crankily cleaned up the mess.

In the meantime, Taylor sat on the floor holding one of the babies and crying as he watched. It broke my heart and I apologized to him and told him that he had learned an important lesson today and not to climb on counters that have glass anything on them.

After we cleaned up the mess I didn't give it another thought until tonight as I lay in bed thinking of Emma and Taylor and how their family is grieving right now. Death can come quickly and unexpectedly and while we have the beautiful promise of eternal families, it doesn't save us from the pain of loss.

What would I do if it was one of my sweet babies or my darling husband that passed away? I look back and I think of things I would change...like keeping better tabs on my temper, playing with them more, being a better mom and wife and having more patience with them. I cry as I think of the things I've said and the things I've done...not because I was trying to be mean, but because I wasn't thinking and failed to act the way I know I should.

It's a painful journey and one I really don't want to keep taking. I want to promise that I will never do anything to hurt them again, but also recognize that I'm human and I'll slip...we all do. But, maybe this little bit of perspective is what I need. Maybe now that I have a clearer idea of things, I can work on thinking before I speak or act and when I don't apologizing quickly, humbly, and sincerely. I love them and I need to tell them more.

Thank you Emma and Taylor for this perspective. Your sweet spirits and happy faces will be sorely missed. ♥